LBCM

Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time.
-Bob Dylan

My oldest sister introduced to me the words of this song in something she wrote a few days ago, and ever since I've read it, it has really stuck with me. The words are exactly what I'm feeling right now, and not just because of my recent popensity for running off course during races. The Chicago marathon has always been a special day for me and my mom. We both looked forward to it all year. This past Sunday was my 9th straight Chicago Marathon. However, this was the first one that I've ever run without my mom being there at mile 6 and the finish line with her obnoxious yellow "Go Greg" sign, cheering like crazy for me. This was definitely going to be a day that I would notice that she was gone.

I got down to the race around 7AM and was feeling pretty good. I went back and forth on what to wear for the race but had decided on the way downtown that I would wear longsleeves with a shortsleeve t-shirt over it. However, once I got down there and was ready to check my stuff in at the gear check tent, I made a last-minute decision to ditch the long sleeve shirt and just go with the short sleeves. Looking back, it was a good decision. I was chilly for that first mile, but that was really the last time I remember even thinking about the cold.

My plan was to go out conservatively. If there was one thing that I wanted to get out of this marathon, it was a true sense of my fitness. The best way to ruin that goal was to go out hard in the first few miles and wind up shuffling home at the end. I hit that first mile in 6:30 and I was happy. The next two miles were closer to 6 and I hit the first 5K in 19:03 for a 6:08 pace. At this point, I was feeling comfortable and I didn't even feel like I was breathing. It was what the first 3 miles of a marathon should be. Effortless.

The next 5K was heading right into the teeth of the wind, but luckily, the crowd was still pretty thick at this point, so it wasn't too difficult to find a little shelter if the wind got too bad. It was this segment of the race that I was kind of dreading all week. Mile 6 is where my mom has always been for this race. This year, my two aunts who always go with her, were still going to be there, but with my mom absence, I had no idea how I would react when I saw them. Would I break down? Would they break down? As I approached I the spot, I could see the big green "Go Greg" sign and I knew this was it. But for whatever reason, the grief didn’t hit me. There was a big crowd there including my two aunts, my youngest sister and her husband and my cousin who was my best friend growing up. They were cheering and screaming and I did what came naturally. I gave them the thumbs up, a pump of the fist, and kept on moving. I did the second 5K in 18:42 for a 6:01 overall pace. With the wind in my face, this was just about perfect.

Finally, about halfway through the next 5K segment, you change directions and start heading north. This was the first time that we really had the wind at our back. It felt great. Almost instantly, I saw my mile splits start to creep under six minute miles and thing started really feeling good. I saw my wife around the 9 mile mark and once again I gave the thumbs up and a pump of the fist. Apparently, I decided on my reaction of choice for the day. I came through the 3rd 5K in 18:33 for a 5:58 pace.

From there I spent the rest of the next 10 miles or so adjusting my pace depending on the wind. If it was at my back, I tried to push it a little. If it was in my face, I would sit back and be happy to keep it around 6 min/mile. I was completely comfortable the entire time up until around mile 16 or so. That was the first time that a small seed of doubt entered my psyche.

This is the first year that I have ever used GU in my running. I always relied entirely on Gatorade and water. However, last year on a fluke, I took one during a trail marathon I was running and felt immediate benefits from it, so now I have been trying to work it into my routine more often. The Chicago marathon always has a GU stop around mile 17, so I was planning on grabbing a couple this year and taking one at 17, one at 20, and another at 23 if I felt like I needed it. With that in mind, I drank no Gatorade the entire race and I was starting to feel a little depleted around mile 16. I thought that the GU stop was at mile 16.5, so when I didn't see it, I was starting to get a little panicky. I started making a plan about how I would have to start pounding the Gatorade now to make up for the calories that I needed. Luckily, it was just my head getting a little disoriented because around 17.5 the GU stop magically appeared and I got my supply. Since I had no pockets in my shorts I had to carry one of the packets until I took it at mile 21, but it didn't really matter much.

As far as pace, I was able to stay pretty consistent through mile 20. All my miles were still hovering around 6 minute pace and I was passing people all over the place. My aggressive goal was to be around 2:36, however, the more attainable goal was to break 2:40. I knew that if I wanted a shot at 2:36, I would have to come through the 20 mile mark under 2 hours to have a realistic chance. When I looked up and saw 2:00:30 at mile 20, I knew I had some decisions to make. I was feeling pretty good at this point, but I also knew that with the last 3 miles into a headwind I either had to go hard from 20-23 and then try and hang on at the end, or continue to just maintain pace from 20-23, hoping to be strong for those last 3 miles.

In the end, I went the conservative route and just hung right around a 6 minute pace from 20-23 and then pushed as hard as I could for those last 3 miles. Those last 3 miles were really the only time I felt like the wind was a nagative factor in the race. However, it was also at this point that I knew I was going to finish strong. I was passing people like crazy. I must admit that having run Chicago 9 times give me a huge home field advantage in this race. It's very comforting to know exactly where you are at every step of a race and to know what the wind is going to do, as you approach each turn. If I was running this race somewhere else, I don't think I could have run it as smart as I did.

With a mile to go, I knew that I was probably going to come in under 2:39. It was at this point, that I finally let me thoughts turn to my mom. For the most part, the entire race I was too busy staying in the moment to really think about anything else. However during those last few steps, my mom joined me. As I was heading down to the finishing chute, I looked over into the stands, and it was weird not seeing my mom jumping up and down in the first row of the bleachers. I still don't know how she got that spot every year, but somehow she did. As I started thinking about it, I looked up to the skies and finally started to lose it. Luckily, I only had about a quarter mile to go in that condition because by the time I got across the line, I was close to hyperventilation.

After convincing the a few of the medical people that I was really OK, just a tad emotional, they left me alone to go retreive my medal. When I finally got to meet up with my family the calls started to roll in about how I was on TV. Apparently the TV caught a little more of my finishing emotions then the on-line video, because my uncle said he was close to tears watching it. The rest of the day was spent with my family basking in the afterglow of another marathon completed.

My splits for each 5K went down like this:

Overall Split Pace
0:19:03 0:06:08
0:37:45 0:18:42 0:06:01
0:56:18 0:18:33 0:05:58
1:14:45 0:18:27 0:05:56
1:33:30 0:18:45 0:06:02
1:52:17 0:18:47 0:06:03
2:11:06 0:18:49 0:06:03
2:30:14 0:19:08 0:06:09

Finish: 2:38:36 (A PR by 7:19)

I ran this race just about as smart as I could. I pushed when I felt like I should be pushing, and I stayed patient when I had to stay patient. I can honestly say that I ran just about right up to what I was capable of running. I'm extremely happy with how it turned out. I'll start with some more in depth analysis in a few days.

To say that the marathon was closure for me on my mom's death would be a bit of an overstatement. I don't think I'll ever find closure on the whole thing. She will always be a living part of me. However, I think that this was at least the end of a chapter. The Chicago marathon and my mom went together. I can't think of one without the other. I miss her, but I know she doing good. And slowly I can say that I'm starting to feel OK again too. Well, at least most of the time